愛做夢的我～Val

陰/晴

當我從Lunch Box-->一家日本速食便當店裡走出來時.... 忽然想起這是我第二次回到這附近上班。雖然有大概10年之久... 但相同之處就是都是Temporary job/臨工。看著四周的高樓大夏, 回想起之前的自己開始到這裡上班時竟不習慣看著那麼多高樓... 相對的自己顯得好渺小哦... 那時的我要好幾個星期才習慣這些高樓的存在呢。

這午後並不很熱, 是屬於個悠閒的下午但是, 是個我不能享受的下午。走著... 我很清楚, 自己並不屬於這裡。在這快步的都會裡, 我到底該在哪裏? I feel apart yet am not physically apart. 這已不是第一次我有這種感覺了... 重回這裡有種似曾相似感。奇怪的是, 我心理其實很清楚... 我永遠不會屬於這裡... it's something that my heart instinctively knows, just because I feel out of place here. It likens to wearing leather boots to a beach... it just don't go...

我忘了是誰曾經說過有關歸屬感的: 歸屬感 or Sense of belonging 不會來自一棟房子, 一間公司或辦公室, 或一個or某個地方/地點。它也不是一個人, 一群人或一個團體所能給的。相反的, 歸屬感/sense of belonging 來自本身/ comes from within。

有時旅遊到某個地方, 會莫名奇妙地感覺和這裡的每一景一物有股莫名的融合感, it just felt as if you belong here somehow... It's not what things or people can give you but what you yourself feel. If you felt that you belonged, you can be anywhere in the world and still feel the same. Maybe it's just me...

I often find myself detaching away from people, at times to observe. Looking at the world from a different point of view, not immersing myself into the situation. Times I find myself musing that there seem not to be a place where I truly belong to. Funny how the default reacion is to refer to a "place" to belong to. Guess this is what education and literature does to ya... as it kinda shapes our reaction and how we see stuff.

But one thing stays true all these years... 那麼多年前到現在... 我還是不屬於這裡...